It will never end
by ChellyL
Summary: Set right after season 7, after the hellmouth after losing spike, what will buffy do?
1. Goodbye Sunnyhell

"Yeah Buffy. What are we gonna do now?" The younger Summers inquired.  
  
Buffy just stood looking at the chasm that used to be Sunny Dale, the tears rimming her eyes were blurring her vision and threatening to spill over. "It's done," she quietly whispered to herself.  
  
Faith piped up, to voice her concern. "Hey B, not to ruin the Hallmark moment or anything but your house is in that rubble and we need somewhere to go."  
  
Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to face her friends.  
  
"Not to be a downer Buff," Buffy looked at Xander, "but Faith has a point the bus is cool and all, but the Partridge family we're not."  
  
"Ummm yeah and I really have to tinkle." Andrew made his way into the group.  
  
"Ok, Andrew you're a guy, go behind a cactus and do your business, Faith, gather everyone up, take roll, and calm them down."  
  
"On it B." Faith walked over to the group of girls huddled close to the bus.  
  
"Ummmm Buffy?"  
  
"Yes Andrew."  
  
"Can someone come with me, I'm afraid I may be bitten by a large snake."  
  
Buffy cocked her head to the side and smiled, her lips twitched as she tried to suppress the laughter inside her head. Then with out warning she started to laugh hard she grabbed her sides and doubled over. Her friends stood there with quizzical looks on their faces, they didn't understand what was so funny, "maybe she's finally lost it," they all thought quietly to themselves.  
  
"What's so funny?" Willow sounded confused.  
  
Buffy fought to regain her composure and in between giggles she managed to stammer out, "We just fought an army of ; bringers and neander-vamps, we stopped the First, and escaped Sunny Dale , which is now a pit in the ground that contains our homes. Not to mention that this all took place in the high school that was built to replace the one we blew up four years ago. And he's worried about getting bitten in the ass by a snake." The group looked at her, then Andrew and then each other and erupted in laughter.  
  
"When you put it that way it does sound rather preposterous." Giles finally managed to say.  
  
"Well all of this laughter really isn't helping my situation so I think I'll just find a nice cactus to use as a urinal." Andrew scurried off towards the side of the road.  
  
"Man I can't believe we destroyed two high schools and the entire town," Willow said in a shocked voice.  
  
Faith walked up helping Wood keep his balance, followed by the newly chosen Slayers.  
  
Kennedy spoke up. "We couldn't find the exact right words to convey what we wanted to say to you so thank you, for everything."  
  
Buffy looked at the group in front of her and all she could say was, "You're welcome."  
  
Andrew walked back up to the group. "Hey what's going on?"  
  
"The girls just thanked Buffy." Wood stated.  
  
"Oh Ok." Andrew just stood still.  
  
"Well girls take a look and see what we did." Buffy stated in a bittersweet tone.  
  
"We flattened Sunnydale," one of the young slayers surmised in a sad tone.  
  
"Well in all fairness it was going to hell anyway, with the evil and all," Xander quipped trying to lighten the mood. Everyone looked at him as if he had three heads. " Get it, Sunny Dale, hell mouth." He gestured for emphasis. "Oh you're all no fun after you've stopped an apocolypse."  
  
They all stood there for a moment staring at the ravine once called Sunny Dale.  
  
Buffy spoke up to break the silence, she couldn't wait to escape the ex- town and all the memories it held, she wanted to escape everything, everything except the ash that used to be her lover. "Hey Robin do you have your cell phone on you?" "Yeah it's in the emergency kit on the bus, but I doubt it'll work." "Well we can try, everyone get back on the bus, Faith you're driving. I have a call to make."---  
  
--Angel hug up the telephone with a weary look on his face. He could always tell when Buffy was lying, not that she hid it very well. He asked her if the amulet worked and she stammered "What Angel, I'm losing you." and then disconnected the call before he could protest. Spike was either badly hurt or worse and he knew it. Spike may have been a punk rock, cocky, chain smoking, pain in the ass, who drank all his scotch and called him Peaches for the last century, but he was still Angel's childe and he still cared about him. Now he had to wait three hours to find out which scenario was correct. --  
  
--Buffy looked at the small black device in her hands then back at the hole in front of her. "Good Bye Sunny Hell," she whispered softly, and then even softer, "I love you Spike." She turned back around and boarded the bus. "Alright girls we're off to LA."  
  
Faith Turned to look at Buffy, "Going to see Angel-cakes eh?"  
  
Buffy gave her a warning glare.  
  
"Angel, yeah," Dawn cheered gleefully, "hey have a mall right," Dawn asked comically.  
  
Xander sat there silent he knew that Buffy didn't need his snide anti-Angel comments right now, especially since he noticed that Spike hadn't made it out of town. Plus a few days at Angel's hotel sounded like heaven right now, he'd finally have his own room and a shower, and a place to have a good manly cry for his Anya.  
  
Faith hit the gas and the bus roared into gear, leaving Sunny Dale and all their nightmares behind, hopefully forever.--  
  
--Three hours later a yellow school bus came to a stop in front of the Hyperion. It was early evening but all the travelers felt as if they'd been awake for the better part of a month, when in all actuality it had been the better part of almost three months. Most of the girls had either dozed off or were talking quietly in the back. Xander and Willow fell asleep on each other, Giles was tending to Wood's wound, which had already started to heal. 'Must be one of those things that comes from having a slayer mom,' Giles thought to himself. Buffy was sitting in the seat behind Faith, Dawn had fallen asleep and was presently drooling on her shoulder, Buffy just sat staring blankly out the window.  
  
Faith got on the PA "Alright folks, last stop LA. Home of drug dealers, muggers, smuglers, hookers, crack heads, and some of the most notorious gangs in the US, but it's a hell of a lot safer than Sunny Hell. And I hope you enjoyed your trip on Slayer bus-lines."  
  
Faith watched as all of the occupants on the bus got up to stretch and de- board all accept one. She stood up and turned to the petite blonde in the seat behind her. "Earth to B. B you in there?" Faith placed her hand on the other slayer's shoulder and gently shook her. Buffy quickly snapped back to reality and looked up at her brunette counterpart. "Hey B thought went all 'Cuckoo's Nest 'on us."  
  
"No just thinking."  
  
"Anyone I know? Maybe a six foot platinum blonde."  
  
"Yeah someone like that."  
  
"He saved the world Buffy, I mean without him and that piece of Joan Rivers jewelry no amount of fighting or ass kicking was gonna stop that thing. If it weren't for ol' Spikey we'd all be vampire snacks. He did good Buff, and he knows you love him, if that's what you're worried about."  
  
"Yeah I guess. Hey when did you get so smart?" The blonde stood up.  
  
"I dunno, must be one of those delayed slayer things. Let's get inside, I could sleep for a week."--  
  
--Somewhere in another dimension Spike was a floating spirit.  
  
"What the bloody fuckin' 'ell. I'm bloody Casper."  
  
Spike tried to reach into the pocket of his duster to retrieve his cigarettes but he found nothing. He was truly a ghost.  
  
"Ok now I'm really pissed."--  
  
--There was no time for real formalities when the war torn pack entered the hotel, Angel gave them a curt nod and Wesley showed them to their rooms and none of them were seen or hear from until the next morning.  
  
Dawn was the first one to wake up and bound down the stairs. Angel saw her and couldn't help but think what a beautiful young woman she had become, she was just about Connor's age. He missed Connor so much, but he knew that he was truly in a better place. Dawn noticed the distant look in Angel's eyes, "Earth to Angel. Morning Angel." He finally returned from his thoughts. "  
  
"What ya thinking about?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Nothing important. So tell me when did you grow up so much?"  
  
"Probably between the first time you left Sunny Dale and the last."  
  
"That was below the belt Dawnie."  
  
"Learned from the best."  
  
"Yeah Buffy's pretty good at that."  
  
"So anyway. Do you have any food around here, I could seriously eat for a day?"  
  
"Yeah I think we have some non-plasma related products in the kitchen. After you my lady."  
  
"Why thank you kind sir."  
  
The two walked arm in arm to the kitchen.--  
  
--Buffy started to stir awake, but fought the day as long as she could. She lay in bed staring at the ceiling twisting the sheets in her hands. Even though her hardest physical battle yet was over she still had to face Angel and tell him what happened to Spike. Worse than that she had to face her first full day in almost eight months without the Peroxide blonde. She knew he was gone and there was nothing she could do about it, she knew she should be glad that she still had her friends and Dawn, and that they made it out of there with minimal casualties but she just couldn't shake the feeling that she was actually missing a part of herself.  
  
She finally surrendered to the sunlight and decided that she needed a shower. She stripped off the bra and underwear she slept in and examined her newest injuries. She had a few fading bruises on her arms and legs and a nice sized purple welt on her left shoulder blade. She also had a three inch scar on the right side of her abdomen, with an exact replica on her back where she had been stabbed.  
  
"I've looked worse. Hell I've been dead. This is cake." She said to her reflection.  
  
She stepped into the tub and turned the shower -head on, the warm water felt good on her ailing body. Suddenly a memory slithered into her brain.  
  
~~~~It was before the angry sex, before Willow went crazy with the magic, before Tara died, before Buffy drove Spike to his breaking point, before Spike left to get his soul. Willow was staying at Tara's overnight and Dawn was at a sleep over party for one of her friends. It had been a particularly slay heavy night Buffy and Spike dusted at least 15 vamps and killed 5 demons who Buffy would rather not identify, she was just glad they were dead.  
  
The last demon they fought was a large one at least 7 feet tall and about six times her weight. Spike was trying to distract it while Buffy crept around the back to stab it. She must not have seen it's tail swing at her because the next thing she knew she was being thrown through the air and landed on a tombstone. Spike managed to stab the thing in the heart as it watched Buffy fly like a rag doll in a fan. Not a very bright demon. He walked up to the tomb stone she was currently laying on and tried to help her up. He felt quite bad for her, she had landed on her back half her torso and her arms were hanging over one side of the tomb stone and her lumbar and legs were dangling over the other side. But buffy being her natural stubborn Slayer self was having none of that.  
  
"Here luv lemme help you up."  
  
"I can do it myself. What just because a girl gets tossed through the air and lands square on her back atop a rather hard head stone you think I can't get up."  
  
"No ducks I know you can get up, but I thought that if I gave you a hand it might keep you from screaming out in pain and alerting any stray demons to our present location."  
  
"Well that's where you're wrong, I'm a slayer this is nothing."  
  
"Fine have it your way." He stepped back and lit a cigarette.  
  
She tried to move her arms under her back and straighten up. But suddenly froze wide- eyed.  
  
Spike could see that she was in a lot of pain, but he wasn't going to help her until she asked him to. Serves her right for being such a stubborn ass.  
  
"Umm Spike."  
  
"Problem luv?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna scream."  
  
"Are you asking for my help"  
  
"Yes damn it, help me." Her voice cracked in pain.  
  
Even in the dark he could the tears streaming down her cheeks and her lip tremble. He quickly stomped out the cigarette he was smoking and walked over to her. He slid one hand under her shoulders and one under her legs.  
  
"Take a deep breath luv this is going to hurt." As gently as he put her right arm around his neck and slowly lifted the petite blonde off the headstone, and held her to his chest. She buried her head into his strong pectoral muscle and let out a small cry.  
  
"It's ok luv, ol' Spike's got you. I'm gonna take you home and we'll take care of that back of yours."  
  
She grasped the right lapel of his jacket with her left hand and kept her head buried in his chest. He smelled like leather, and cigarettes, and Irish Spring, she could stay like this all day. Buffy quickly fell asleep. The next thing she knew was they were in her bedroom and Spike was talking softly to her.  
  
"Buffy luv, wake up."  
  
"No mom, I don't want to go to school, Snyder is a nazi and he's trying kick me out again."  
  
"Buffy it's not your mum, it's Spike."  
  
She was still asleep on his chest. "Well tell him to clean out his mug after he's done using it because I'm tired of chiseling out dried wheetabix and blood."  
  
He chuckled softly at the comment. "I'll make a mental not of that luv. Now you have to wake up."  
  
He gently placed Buffy on her bed she stirred at the loss of his hands around her body. He shook her shoulders gently.  
  
"Hey there." She said groggily.  
  
"Well well, Sleeping Beauty finally woke up. How ya feeling sleepy head?"  
  
"Sore, and um, well sore pretty much sums it up."  
  
"Ok well you need out get out of that shirt."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"So I can see what's going on with that back o' yours."  
  
"Ok. Can you help me sit up?"  
  
"Sure can." He shook his duster off and threw it on a chair across the room. He stood on the bed in front of her his legs touching hers. "Ok give me your hands. She complied. As gingerly as he could he pulled the Slayer into the sitting position. Her back cracked loudly as he did this.  
  
"SSSS." She hissed in pain.  
  
"Ok hands above your head." She did so, this time her shoulders cracked. He slowly guided her shirt over body and over her head. "Bra too."  
  
"I'll be getting this one myself." She tried to reach behind her but couldn't do it herself. "Are you sure you're just not doing this to get a look at me naked?" She asked trying to stall.  
  
"Never said I wasn't luv, I'm a bad, bad man remember?"  
  
"Yeah I remember, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers and all that rot." 'Rot' she though to herself, 'When did I start talking like Spike?' "Can you help me get this damn thing off? God I hate bras."  
  
" I dunno, they c'n be rather fun to take off."  
  
He reached one cool hand behind her and expertly flicked the clasp open and removed the offending garment from her shoulders. He averted his eyes from the beauty in front of him because he knew that one glance at her breasts would ruin this evening. Not that it was supposed to be anything special, but Buffy trusting him like this meant everything to him.  
  
"On your stomach, I'll be back with the Ben Gay in a minute."  
  
"Screw the Ben Gay, get the Banalag."  
  
"What's Banalag?"  
  
"It's like Ben Gay on steroids. It's in the hall closet next to the umm feminine products."  
  
"Right, be back in a flash."  
  
He was back in les that a minute carrying a small glass bottle that contained a teal liquid. He sat on the bed next to her and poured some on her back, making sure to take notice of the purple and black bruise forming on the small of her back and to avoid all scrapes in the process. Whatever this stuff had in it made his hands tingle and he was sure that if it mixed with scrapes she would go through the roof.  
  
"This stuff smells like Vicks Vapor Rub luv. And it is making my hands all tingly."  
  
She had a content look on her face as he gently massaged her pain away. "It's supposed to do that besides it feels so good."  
  
After about 20 minutes Buffy's breathing and heart rate had slowed he could tell that she was almost asleep. "Well I'm all done here, you should be good as new in the morning. I'm gonna go wash my hands and hope the feeling returns."  
  
After he left the room Buffy got up and changed into a pair of pajamas. A pair of black pajama pants with little devils running around carrying pitchforks, a present from Willow last Christmas, and a black tank top.  
  
Spike came back into the room and she turned around. "Well I guess I'll be on my way," he turned to grab his duster off the chair.  
  
"Ummm, Spike."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome luv."  
  
"Spike?'  
  
"Yes?" He could hear her heart racing in her chest, and see fear in her eyes. No matter what she did her eyes always told the truth.  
  
"You see, Dawnie and Willow are both gone and, and," she stammered, "I umm don't like to be alone in the house at night, I can't fall asleep if the house is empty. So could you ummm stay with me?" He just looked at her, he was stunned and touched at the same time. "You can leave as soon as I'm asleep," she added quickly.  
  
"Sure thing luv, I'll just stay right here," he motioned to the chair that presently contained his prized duster.  
  
"You can stay with me if you want. You know, in my bed." She was looking at the floor like she might want to dive through it into the room below her.  
  
"Sure thing." He kicked his boots off and followed her to her bed and slid in. She crawled in next to him and lay her head on his chest and her hand on his shoulder. He slid his left arm under her anchoring her to him, and put his right arm around her and gently traced lines all over her back.  
  
"Night spike." She said groggily.  
  
"Night Buffy." He kissed her head. He could hear her breathing and heart slow down again. She was fast asleep in 5 minutes. He lay there next to her for the next few hours. He woke up about 4:30 he could smell the sunrise, he knew he needed to get back to his crypt before he had to deal with the sun, not to mention Scoobies. He slowly detangled himself from Buffy, as not to wake her. He quietly crept across her room and pulled his boots on and slipped into his jacket. He walked back over to the bed and placed a soft chaste kiss on her cheek. Then he slipped out her window and went back to his crypt.  
  
When Buffy's alarm went off at 10:30 stirring her from her sleep. Spike was gone, as she expected, she got out of bed, stretched and walked over to her window to close it. For the first time since she had been brought back she felt refreshed and she realized why, this was the first night where she hadn't had a nightmare in which she was back in her coffin. She closed the window and then went and took shower.  
  
That was the last time she felt that way, well the last time up until a few nights ago when Spike found her in that abandoned house and slept with her.~~~~  
  
As quickly as the memory had come to her it disappeared just as fast and there she was bruised and alone in the shower. Her mother was dead, her father was MIA again, Riley had never really even been hers, and Angel clearly had his own problems judging from Cordy's absence. Spike, the only person who was ever always there for her, her partner, her lover, he promised he'd never leave and he did just that. He left like all the others.  
  
"WHY, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO LEAVE ME!!! YOU SAID YOU'D ALWAYS BE THERE, BUT YOU LEFT, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE YOU LEFT ME!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! YOU LEFT!!!!" The words came out harsh and ragged. She leaned against the wall in the tub and slid down pulling her knees to her chest and let the sobs over power her. ---  
  
--In the hotel kitchen a very different scene was unfolding. Wes and Gunn had woken up, not to mention most of the slayers, including Faith. They were discussing what to do that day. Buffy came into the kitchen as they decided to go to the mall.  
  
"Hey Buffy." Dawn said cheerfully.  
  
"Want some French toast B, it's pretty kick ass."  
  
"Yeah Buff Lorne's a better cook then that 'Bam' guy on food channel."  
  
"Well I have had awhile to perfect it."  
  
"Yeah I'm starved, so what's this talk about a mall?"  
  
Fred spoke up this time. "Well Wolfrum and Hart gave us credit cards with a generous credit line, so Wes and I decided to go to the mall to get you all some new clothing and stuff since yours is all buried under Sunny Dale. We're leaving in ten minutes."  
  
"Cool, I have to take ca of something and I'll meet you at the car." Buffy left the kitchen to search or Angel, she found him in his office looking something up on the computer.  
  
"So now you're research guy?"  
  
"Umm yeah, kinda."  
  
Buffy sat down in the chair across the desk from Angel. "Small talk really isn't our thing so I'll get to the point. Spike died."  
  
Angel looked at her pain filled his eyes. "I know." He paused for a second and looked Buffy in the eye. "How?"  
  
"He saved the world." She said quietly, then stood up and left the room.-- 


	2. Lost Loves

Author's note: Thank you OctopusPie for this chapter. We will be working together to create this story. I hope you like it. Chapter three will be up in a few days. I own nothing, people far richer than I do and they have the lawyers to ensure things stay that way  
  
Angel watched her leave the room, feeling that familiar void spreading between them. He sighed heavily as he waited a few seconds before following her outside.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
She didn't turn to face him, but just stood there motionless, her brain racing. 'Angel.Spike.Angel.Spike.Spike.'  
  
"Buffy..." he said, this time more forcefully "Would you at least look at me?"  
  
She moved around slowly, forcing her eyes onto his face and suddenly he realized that he couldn't think of a single thing to say to her. He stood there dumbly, just staring at that face he knew so well and eventually it was she who broke the silence festering between them.  
  
"What?" she said emotionlessly "What do you want me to say?"  
  
"I'm sorry" replied the vampire  
  
"I don't want to talk about it" she said dismissively and started to turn away from him  
  
"You always do that!" he countered, exasperated "You always try to shut me out"  
  
"There's nothing else I can do, every time I get too close to someone it just blows up in my face. You.Riley.Spike..."  
  
"Did you love him?"  
  
"I told you I didn't want to talk about it"  
  
"But did you?"  
  
She turned around to look at him, her eyes blazing, but through her anger he could see the tears glistening in here eyes and he knew that the answer to his question was yes.  
  
"STOP IT!" she shouted "JUST STOP IT!"  
  
He wanted to reach forwards and hold her in his arms but somehow he felt as if he was glued to the floor. He remembered those moments between them, that one day that she didn't even remember, the day he had been human and everything had been so perfect. He wished things could be like that again but they never would be, never could be. He shook his head, as if trying to push all these thoughts away and just stood there, waiting for her to speak again.  
  
"I'm sorry" she mumbled "Things have been really crazed lately...I just destroyed my home and Spike's dead...its all a bit much to take..."  
  
"Well, I'm here now" he tried "I know its not much and I cant replace everything you've lost but I'm here" for now at least he added in his head.  
  
Buffy sank down onto a chair just as the rest of the gang poured out of the kitchen. Dawn and Faith took one look at the duo sitting opposite each other with morose expressions on their faces and gave each other the look, the I think we'd better just leave them to it kinda look, and they ushered the slayers out of the hotel, leaving the two ex-lovers on their own to talk through their problems.  
  
Buffy watched them leave. Part of her wanted to run after them and avoid this incredibly difficult conversation but she knew it had to be done. Sooner or later she would have to talk about Spike with Angel, after all that had happened between them she owed him that much, and she'd rather forget this thing over with.  
  
"I think I did love him" she said quietly "But it doesn't matter any way...he thought I hated him, he thought I used him...I told him, at the end, how I felt and he didn't even believe me...everything I touch just falls apart..." she looked up at the ceiling "I cant believe he's gone"  
  
Angel thought to himself about all the things that had gone wrong in his life : he couldn't make things work with Buffy, he couldn't save Darla's soul, he had lost his son and he had lost Cordelia, the only woman he thought he could love again...redemption was always far away, he knew he could never be happy - him and Buffy were two of a kind - two warriors sent out alone against the world...  
  
"Hey" said Buffy tearing through his thoughts, as if she had just suddenly realized something "Where's Cordelia?"  
  
He knew that she'd ask, he just hoped it would have be later, when he's had time to gather his thoughts together and think of the best way to tell her what had happened.  
  
"Well..." he began, trying to think of the best way to phrase it : Cordelia had visions. Cordelia became a demon. She went to a higher plane. She came back again all wrong. She brought forth a beast and had a baby with my son, oh incidentally the baby was an all-powerful brainwashing creature who would have brought about world peace but the cost was that she ate a few thousand people every now and then, so we killed her... even to Buffy's ears that whole thing would sound crazy  
  
"A lot of things have happened..." he said, thinking maybe he should have told her before she destroyed Sunnydale, then at least it would be over and they wouldn't be having this conversation now, "But to cut a long story short, Cordelia's gone"  
  
"Gone?" Buffy looked at him quizzically "What, you mean she left? What, she got a job as an actress and just left you guys..." Buffy raised an eyebrow "Sounds just like Cordelia..."  
  
Angel suddenly felt himself get angry with her. He knew she was upset but he had sat there and listen to her rant on about that stupid platinum blonde...  
  
"Hey, don't act like you know her Buffy" he said angrily "Because you don't, at all"  
  
"So why did he leave then?" she snapped and Angel looked down at the ground "Come on Angel, we're sharing here, aren't we? I tell you, you tell me - why did she go?"  
  
This time Angel turned his back on her  
  
"I don't want to talk about it" he said huffily and suddenly a light of recognition began to dawn in Buffy's eyes  
  
"You loved her...didn't you?"  
  
Angel said nothing and Buffy laughed humorlessly  
  
"This sounds kinda familiar : you love someone and you run away from them - is that it? You loved me, or so you said, and then left me behind when things got too hard and look - you loved Cordelia and suddenly she vanishes into thin air...god Angel, you never change"  
  
"It wasn't like that at all!" he replied, still refusing to turn around "Stop making judgments about me - you don't know me at all anymore, you don't know what's been going on here so just stop being so self-righteous"  
  
Buffy felt her small hands clenching into fists as she got angrier and angrier.  
  
"I wish you'd been wearing that stupid amulet instead of Spike" she blurted out "Then he'd still be here with me and I could make up for all the shit I put him through...now I'm just stuck with you and all the bullshit that comes with you..." she glared at his back and stormed towards the door "Fuck this Angel, I'm out of here. If I'm quick I can still catch the girls at the mall, we'll take this up again later"  
  
Angel made no move to stop her, he just listened as the door opened and closed and let out a sigh of relief that she was gone. He couldn't stand being around her when she was upset - she made everything so difficult. 


	3. Scenes From a Pond

Spike stood alone in a large garden area and there was a large pond in front of him.  
  
"Soddin powers." He mumbled to himself. "Make a bloke come here and leave him standing alone. How'd they like it if I went for a lil swim in their pond. Ponce, poofter, assholes." Just then he felt a presence near him. "WHAT?" He said curtly and turned around. "Joyce." He whispered as the word caught in his throat like a lump.  
  
"Hello William." She walked toward him and kissed his cheek. "How are you?"  
  
"That's a joke right. I'm bloody dead Joyce and the fucking powers dragged me here for some unknown reason, I hate this Joyce."  
  
"I know you do. That's why I've been sent."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
She motioned for him to follow her to the lake in front of them. He followed her to the bank and stood in silence for a moment.  
  
"I'm not really in the mood for a swim luv."  
  
"Shhh. It is coming."  
  
Just then scenes from all points of Spikes life were shown to him on the water, some good, some not so good. His child hood, his mother, his first kiss, the night he was turned into a vampire, his years with Angelus and Darla and Dru, Prague, the first slayer he killed, the second slayer he killed, Buffy dropping an organ on him, his alliance with Buffy, getting chipped, the time Buffy and Faith switched bodies, the many arguments with him and the Scoobies the year he spent at Giles house, patrolling with Buffy, Willow's will be done spell (he smiled at that memory), Spike comforting Buffy after Joyce got sick, Spike and Dawn discovering that dawn was the key, the Buffy-bot, getting beat up by Glory, Buffy coming to see him after they got him back to his crypt, the conversation between Spike and Buffy before they went to defeat Glory, Spike getting thrown off the tower, Dawn getting cut, Buffy sacrificing herself to save the world, (Spike cringed at that scene) Buffy's burial, the summer he spent with Dawn and the many nights he spent comforting the distraught teen then going home and crying himself to sleep, Buffy coming back, the many months of fighting and arguing and sex with Buffy, the scene in the bathroom, Spike leaving, Buffy crying, Dawn crying, Spike's re-ensouling, Spike crazy in the school, Buffy taking care of him, him and Buffy together over the last year, the night he found her, the last night they spent together, the battle, Buffy telling him she loved him, the hellmouth crumbling, him dying again.  
  
Then there were scenes he didn't recognize: The Scoobies standing at the hole that used to be Sunnydale and talking, Buffy saying good-bye to Spike and saying she loved him (She loves me, she really loves me, he smiled and cringed at the thought of him telling her he didn't) her confession to Faith, Buffy sobbing in the shower (He couldn't stand to see his slayer so sad. A tear rolled down his alabaster cheek) Buffy and Angel arguing. The scene before him disappeared and the pond went back to being just water.  
  
He turned to Joyce. "Okay so what was the little slide show about? To make me feel even worse! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I LOVE HER AND I'M SORRY!" He fell to his knees sobbing. "What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?"  
  
Joyce sat down next to him, wrapped her arms around him and comforted him. "Spike look at me." She grabbed his face with her hands and forced him to look at her. "Dam it William. You are a good man. Buffy knows this, I know this and you should too. And because of this you have a choice to make."  
  
They stood up Joyce was holding his hands. He looked at her perplexed. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Yes you do." She looked him in the eye.  
  
A look of understanding came over his face. "Yes, Yes Joyce a thousand times yes."  
  
"Then so it shall be done."  
  
A flash of light washed over the garden and Spike was gone.  
  
Joyce smiled to herself. 


	4. In the Blink of an Eye

In the end Buffy decided not to go to the mall, because she knew everyone would just ask too many questions. She didn't want to talk anymore, not about Angel, not about Spike, not about the hellmouth...she wished her brain would just shut down so she could stop thinking.  
  
In her head she wondered where he had gone - had his act of sacrifice been enough to earn him a place in a heavenly dimension or had the crimes of William the Bloody sent him straight to Hell? She hoped he was happy, wherever he was, that he had found peace and if he had, that no one would take it away from him, like her friends had taken Heaven away from her.  
  
She wandered through the streets aimlessly, looking at the buildings that were so familair and yet so far away from her. LA was where it had all begun - where she had killed her first vampires, so it seemed kind of poetic that now everything was over in Sunnydale she was back here again. It would be short-sighted to think that the Hellmouth was the end - wherever she went, some new adversary would raise its ugly head and she was waiting for something new to arrive - as if defeating the first evil and destroying her home hadnt been bad enough, now she was in a strange state of limbo, waiting for the next thing to go wrong.  
  
So many times she had thought about giving it up, walking away, letting someone else do the job for a change, but that could never work. True, now she wasnt the one and only slayer anymore but it still felt like it. Old responsibilites were hard to let go.  
  
"I wonder what was going on with Buffy and Angel"  
  
Faith looked at the little girl standing next to her and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What do you think Dawn?" she replied "The usual I love you, you love me, yet we cant possibly be together scenario"  
  
"I feel kind of bad for her" sighed Dawn "I mean, a sparring session with Angel is the last thing she needs right now"  
  
"Yeh, but what are you gonna do? Put those two in a room together and badness happens"  
  
Dawn thought to herself for a minute, pulling a skirt from the rack, and then putting it back without hardly even looking at it  
  
"I wish Spike didn't die" she said quietly "I know she'd never admit it to herself, but I think Buffy loved him"  
  
"When you're a slayer, there's no time for love" said Faith "It goes wrong for her every time - Angel, Spike, that other guy from college - what was his name again?"  
  
"You can't even remember his name?" said Dawn incredulously "When you and Buffy switched bodies you and him..."  
  
"I don't make it a point to remember guy's names..." the slayer flicked her hair carelessly over her shoulder "Besides, that was the old me - I'm reformed now, remember"  
  
"Yeah, I remember" Dawn grinned at her "His name was Riley, by the way"  
  
"Oh yeah" Faith smiled at her "Lets not tell your sister we had this conversation okay? I don't think she'd appreciate big bad Faith corrupting her youthful innocent little sister"  
  
"Hey, I'm neither youthful or innocent!" Dawn protested "I'm sixteen you know, and I kissed a vampire once"  
  
"Kissed a vampire? It must run in the family or something"  
  
"My mom went on a date with Dracula once" said Dawn "Well, not really a date, she more invited him in for coffee..."  
  
"Well, obviously you Summers girls have a thing for the evil dead"  
  
"Spike wasn't evil" she replied quietly "Not at the end at least..."  
  
"He's gone Dawn" the slayer looked down at Buffy's little sister who was standing morosely beside her "Come on girl, you know I'm no good with these heart-to-heart things, that's big sis's job - he's gone and that's that. He didn't die for nothing right - he fought the good fight, saved the world and all that, made your sister proud"  
  
"I guess..."  
  
"It's the truth...look, in the time of Sunnydale, we all lost people that were important to us, they die and the world goes on turning, the world goes on turning because they died, think about it that way"  
  
"Yeah you're right - you are good at the heart-to-hearts you know"  
  
"Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me"  
  
Dawn smiled at the older slayer, thinking how much she had changed in the time they had known each other - all the dark places she had been to and how she was finally making up for her mistakes. She supposed she could hold a grudge against her forever for all the wrong she had done her, but then she decided life was too short, and it was better to have friends than enemies.  
  
When Buffy had left the Hyperion Angel had locked himself in his office and was brooding darkly to himself.  
  
He hated the way she made him feel. All at once he was full of love and full of hate and sometimes it all just got too much. That short time he had spent with her in Sunnydale before it had been destroyed, when he had given her the amulet, it seemed that things were alright between them, it had been a good sign, but not with all that had happened, everything had gone back to the same way it always was. He could tell that the morning's fight was the first of many, for as long as she stayed there, there would be tensions between them that wouldn't go away.  
  
He wished Cordelia was still beside him, even if all she would tell him would be to get over himself and stop looking so miserable, it would be better than nothing. Just to hear her voice again, to see her smile again - the real Cordelia, the girl who had been gone from him for so long.  
  
He was about to reach into a drawer for a book when there was a sudden inexplicable blinding flash of light from the lobby. At first he thought it was sunlight and instinctively jumped off his chair and hid behind the desk, but then he realized it was too white, and too sudden to be the sun.  
  
Cautiously he made his way out of his office, grabbing an axe on the way out - just in case. When he opened the door he almost dropped the axe on his foot in surprise at what he saw there.  
  
The figure in the lobby turned around to face at him, the white skin stretched in a smile beneath the white hair as he reached into his pocket for a cigarette and a lighter. As he jammed one between his lips and lit the end, Spike let out a long laugh.  
  
"At last I can bloody smoke again" he grinned at Angel "It was a pain in the arse being a ghost." 


End file.
